Good for Nothing ME

I'm not good at anything.


I'm not good looking. I'm not a good person. I'm not a good writer, a dancer and a worst singer. I'm not a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter nor a good listener. I'm not good at modeling nor taking pictures, driving hates me and I'm screwing up at my work. 


Just as when i thought everything was working out just fine. Problem just keeps on hunting me and keeps on pulling me down. It always make sure that it's keeping up on whatever i'm doing. 


I'm trying. But i'm not giving my all, not even my good. Not even my best. 


So much frustrations keeping me down. I don't know where i'm headed and not know where i wanted to go. 


All i know is i'm STUCK. Not knowing what i want so i'm staying nowhere.


My life sucks. Because i'm making it hard for me. No one is to blame. I am what i am because subconsciously, it's what i am doing to myself. 


Ciao for now.


love, 

First Day Funk

First Day. How will i even begin to explain my first day at the hospital. Like what Cady Heron said at the movie, Mean Girls, "The first day of duty was a blur. A stressful, surreal blur." I am lost. Completely LOST. I don't know what i'm saying. I don't know what i'm doing. I acted and looked like an awkward-looking-IDIOT. I just stand there awkwardly and staring at the nurses blankly. I feel so stupid and dumb. ='( I suddenly feel so small and realized that my years are so behind me. I feel so withdrawn because of my batch and my age and my hospital experience. I realized how much time i have wasted. Years that i should be growing personally and professionally. I wanted to blame someone else. But the blame is all on me. ='( I feel so insecure. I just hope that i will be able to prove myself and everybody else of my capabilities and skills. This is my last shot. If ever i fail on this, i don't know what else i'm gonna do. I just pray that God would help me go through this. ='(


Ciao for now.


love,